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So, what happened this year to me? Trying to see how much I can remember since it's been a long decade this year.
Some serious talk about all sorts of grim subjects within so be cautious.
-My birth mom died on September 20th. She had grown into someone with a serious case of Munchhausen's and was abusive, screamy, manipulative, and her self-inflicted medical issues got so bad we had to have in home nurses come in and bandage her and I was training to be her caretaker and had to do things like hide her opioids and benzos and dose her properly. She had somehow found them and took too much extra. She passed in her sleep without any warning and was cremated. She was a huge source of a lot of my trauma I am now processing throughout my whole life and I can't say I miss her. I'm more apathetic-pissed she died, because the mess and how my transmom is processing this is...extremely not good and healthy and causing a lot of problems. Also she had some of my important paperwork in her possession for some reason.
-If nobody knows, the person previously known as my father has been on HRT and fully transitioning for the past six years, so I refer to her as transmom online.
-I am one year into my three year probation for a drug charge my birth mom falsified in November 2017, not the first time she's done it or the first person she's done it to. It's informal and 99% of the terms are things I already don't do. I basically have to get arrested again and have my name come across the judge's desk to get in any real bad terms here.
-Sorting out my health; I have a likely diagnosis of either end level dysmenorrhea or endometriosis, as was something we all been thinking for years, and my migraines might actually be occipital neuralgia. I'm on gabapentin, diclofenac, and high CBD medical marijuana for now, but I'd kill for some Vicodin now and again.
-As of this post I have one fiancee (Koshka's still here), four other official girlfriends of varying seriousness levels (one I'm planning on having move out here once we both have good jobs/money), one self-described love slave, and a few others of varying interest/flirtation levels. Koshka was right; I'm terrible at monogamy. Her being aromantic means she was having me seek outlets like these girls I now love dearly to help me process my romantic and musical (Koshka is deaf) notions and it's only strengthened how well I can love women. Their love, healing, support through all this has been some of the best healing I've had in my life. Never thought I'd be a legitimate sex symbol for women, and transwomen especially find me comforting, which is a high honor to me.
-My cat of nearly 17 years, Kabuki, had to be put to sleep shortly after my birthday in mid-October. I mourned her far more than I did my mom. She's next to me in a cherrywood box with one of my two Lunar 2 pendants on it, and I wear the other, since that was our game when she was born and this way we're always together. She was just simply old and it was her time to go.
-I finished my 10th NaNoWriMo in a row, so I have a perfect 10/10 win record. You can find an archive of them all here. This one was my shortest and done in 10 days time.
-I've put out two games that are free to play forever. Try them if you want to play something silly and gay.
-I am now a survivor of both the 2017 Wine Country Fires (Tubbs, Nuns, et al) and the Camp Fire.
-If you play F/Go add me at 827570801. I have things like an NP5 Jalter, NP2 Lancer Alter Arturia, and others at maxed out stats and such you can borrow. Also Nobu is the best thing ever.
-I finally figured out a big thing about my gender and you can read about that here. But the tl;dr is I'm learning towards NB transmasculine AFAB and describing myself as "masculine, but not male. not feminine, but female" helps. The historical term Virago really helped me process a lot.
-The Good Place is the best thing on television ever.
-Still not drinking. Still sober. Dunno how, but my gods want me away from it, and so shall it be.
I'm pretty sure that covers all the big major things going on right now but if I think of anything else I'll talk about it. Surprisingly, despite it all and the politics going around, I somehow remain optimistic, but it's not despite it all, but in spite of it all. I'm the big buff tough aniki type everyone looks up to to kick ass and not be afraid to, and damn if I'm not going to go into 2019 thinking I can still win it all.
Because we can.
Some serious talk about all sorts of grim subjects within so be cautious.
-My birth mom died on September 20th. She had grown into someone with a serious case of Munchhausen's and was abusive, screamy, manipulative, and her self-inflicted medical issues got so bad we had to have in home nurses come in and bandage her and I was training to be her caretaker and had to do things like hide her opioids and benzos and dose her properly. She had somehow found them and took too much extra. She passed in her sleep without any warning and was cremated. She was a huge source of a lot of my trauma I am now processing throughout my whole life and I can't say I miss her. I'm more apathetic-pissed she died, because the mess and how my transmom is processing this is...extremely not good and healthy and causing a lot of problems. Also she had some of my important paperwork in her possession for some reason.
-If nobody knows, the person previously known as my father has been on HRT and fully transitioning for the past six years, so I refer to her as transmom online.
-I am one year into my three year probation for a drug charge my birth mom falsified in November 2017, not the first time she's done it or the first person she's done it to. It's informal and 99% of the terms are things I already don't do. I basically have to get arrested again and have my name come across the judge's desk to get in any real bad terms here.
-Sorting out my health; I have a likely diagnosis of either end level dysmenorrhea or endometriosis, as was something we all been thinking for years, and my migraines might actually be occipital neuralgia. I'm on gabapentin, diclofenac, and high CBD medical marijuana for now, but I'd kill for some Vicodin now and again.
-As of this post I have one fiancee (Koshka's still here), four other official girlfriends of varying seriousness levels (one I'm planning on having move out here once we both have good jobs/money), one self-described love slave, and a few others of varying interest/flirtation levels. Koshka was right; I'm terrible at monogamy. Her being aromantic means she was having me seek outlets like these girls I now love dearly to help me process my romantic and musical (Koshka is deaf) notions and it's only strengthened how well I can love women. Their love, healing, support through all this has been some of the best healing I've had in my life. Never thought I'd be a legitimate sex symbol for women, and transwomen especially find me comforting, which is a high honor to me.
-My cat of nearly 17 years, Kabuki, had to be put to sleep shortly after my birthday in mid-October. I mourned her far more than I did my mom. She's next to me in a cherrywood box with one of my two Lunar 2 pendants on it, and I wear the other, since that was our game when she was born and this way we're always together. She was just simply old and it was her time to go.
-I finished my 10th NaNoWriMo in a row, so I have a perfect 10/10 win record. You can find an archive of them all here. This one was my shortest and done in 10 days time.
-I've put out two games that are free to play forever. Try them if you want to play something silly and gay.
-I am now a survivor of both the 2017 Wine Country Fires (Tubbs, Nuns, et al) and the Camp Fire.
-If you play F/Go add me at 827570801. I have things like an NP5 Jalter, NP2 Lancer Alter Arturia, and others at maxed out stats and such you can borrow. Also Nobu is the best thing ever.
-I finally figured out a big thing about my gender and you can read about that here. But the tl;dr is I'm learning towards NB transmasculine AFAB and describing myself as "masculine, but not male. not feminine, but female" helps. The historical term Virago really helped me process a lot.
-The Good Place is the best thing on television ever.
-Still not drinking. Still sober. Dunno how, but my gods want me away from it, and so shall it be.
I'm pretty sure that covers all the big major things going on right now but if I think of anything else I'll talk about it. Surprisingly, despite it all and the politics going around, I somehow remain optimistic, but it's not despite it all, but in spite of it all. I'm the big buff tough aniki type everyone looks up to to kick ass and not be afraid to, and damn if I'm not going to go into 2019 thinking I can still win it all.
Because we can.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-05 07:08 pm (UTC)From:I'm glad you've got so many supportive relationships! Especially if they are supportive of you and/or each other! That is difficult to balance but worth it for everyone when it works out.
I think I get where you're coming from with the gender thing. I don't feel genuinely 'girly' and don't really bother with labels myself and am far more OK with/lean toward guyish things, but definitely still identify as female. So go by what makes you happy, be who you are, and there is no box you have to fit into unless you want one.
You seem really optimistic, and I'm rooting for all good things for you in the coming year! :) <3