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Okay guys, we need to talk. This post sucks to write, but I've been holding in something far too long. A few know but it's something I've had to be quiet about at large. However, I'm fed up holding it in for various reasons.
This is going to be a post talking about prescription drug use, alcohol, and medical marijuana. If you really don't want to know or are bothered or triggered by such issues, please don't read further. I don't want to hurt anyone with this.
But let's talk a while. And I implore you, please READ THIS WHOLE POST before saying anything.
I see a lot of people openly talk online about their pain issues and what they do to treat it. I also see a lot of people openly talk online while thoroughly drunk or blasted on pain meds. It's okay, that doesn't bother me. I understand the need to keep human contact while medicated or wasted because it helps keep one stabilized. Or just that you find things in your altered state so fascinating. I've been there. A lot of us have.
The thing is I wish I could join you all when I do what I do to alleviate pain and help me sleep.
The reason I can't is because what I take to do such is medical marijuana. In candy or brownie or cookie form. Takes about an hour after eating it to reach full effect, so in that time, I sign off plurk, AIM, twitter, and DW and stick to talking to my girlfriend on IRC and looking at food pics on tumblr.
I sign off and shelter myself due to the stigma surrounding the drug, thinking if you all found out you'd disown me due to misinformation about the drug or whatever. I do see it a lot online; people claiming pot is a gateway drug or will make me snap (look up Reefer Madness) or that people who use it are just stupid and obsessed worthless lazy stoners not worth giving the time of day to. It's made me paranoid of ever admitting it.
Until now, that is.
I take it for a chronic neck and head pain issue I inherited from the men in my family. My dad has the same thing and takes medical pot for it and it has helped him and his other injuries he has (bad knee, bad shoulder) tremendously. It's where I got the idea to try using it instead of prescription medication was seeing how much it helped him.
You see, I can't use prescription painkillers. Well, I can, but guess what? I'm extremely easily addicted to opioids and once came near damaging myself when I went through a rash of addiction on them a few years back. I'd pop Darvocet like candy and convince myself I was in tremendous pain so my doing it was excused. I only stopped once I realized I was turning into my abusive family members by doing this and swore it off. It was rationed and my girlfriend controlled any doses I got. Even now if I wind up with opioids, she rations them. Yes, she lives all the way across the country from me, but that trust between us is enough to keep me off them unless I ask and explain why I feel I need them. And even then I only get a half dose as it's usually enough to kill the pain and it keeps me from wanting more. I am fucking lucky I didn't get sick or die or liver damage from this and I am luckier still I pulled myself out of this using willpower alone. No matter what opioid I take, I react the same.
So that is out of the question. Same with muscle relaxers, though that's mostly because I'm extremely sensitive to them and even 1mg of Flexeril has me knocked out the majority of a day and groggy/slow when awake. I hate it and it feels gross. It works but I hate how it makes me feel so much I only use it as an absolute last resort.
This is why I tried pot. I've been on it over a year now and I can safely say I don't feel the addictive or self-destructive tendencies nor the residual grogginess or grossness like I did on prescription meds. Yeah, I'm tempted very very rarely on slow, boring days to take some just to liven things up a bit, but it'd be a waste and I'd like to save it for my pain issues. It's easy for me to say no to taking it. On average, I take it about once or twice a week, if I'm lucky and pain free then once every two weeks, and usually only enough to sedate me, numb me, and make me want to take a nap, which is hardly any at all. I do get high and ridiculous on those small doses, but it's never been bad. I think the worst I've done is tell my girlfriend I was going to write her dumb pairing fics and that I was evolving into a monster girl, specifically a harpy.
Through this year of use it's cut down on my pain and its frequency immensely. I sleep better and wake up hungrier and happier. It helps me cope with depression and effects of Paxil. (I was on Paxil ten years. It did some horrible shit to me. I'm long since off of it but its effects still remain.) In the long run too, it's also way cheaper that prescription painkillers/relaxers. For the price of lunch at a fast food place I get enough that lasts me almost twenty doses. I'm damn lucky to live in an area where medical pot isn't frowned on and easy to get a prescription for and purchase without hassle or cop interference.
It should be obvious that I know what I'm doing while on it and take measures to be safe with it. I am a responsible user. I only get stuff from places my dad trusts. I'm harmless on it and there's no risk of me accidentally offing myself like on painkillers.
But I do miss you all when I'm on it. I do get curious if I could still be on twitter or plurk or such without being judged if I got medicated. I'm almost always clear headed enough to know who not to talk to while on it and if I took a bigger dose I'd just not talk to anyone but my girlfriend. That I would promise you. I do look at those instances of people talking while on painkillers or while drunk and not being judged at all for it and hell, I think it's time you all didn't judge me too. It's for the same reasons (actual pain management issues).
And if anyone wants to talk to me about what it's like to take it, use it, live in an area friendly to it, about any misinformation you may think you've been told (there's a reason I titled this post 'DARE lied') then please, come talk to me about it anytime. I'd rather you get your information from someone on it who can tell you the truth. No question is too dumb or too rude. And yes, this should explain why I know so much about it and stoner culture. Doesn't it make more sense that I know it because I am it and not because I just observe it through my dad?
I just ask that next time you feel judgmental about someone on pot for any reason, if you ever even do, remember that it includes people like me; just people trying to get by day to day without pain so bad I feel like if I turn my neck I'll puke.
If you also never wish to talk to me again and want to defriend me anywhere, I understand. It's a risk I take by saying this, I've long since understood that. But I just have to vent it out now.
This has been a PSA. Thank you for listening and reading.
This is going to be a post talking about prescription drug use, alcohol, and medical marijuana. If you really don't want to know or are bothered or triggered by such issues, please don't read further. I don't want to hurt anyone with this.
But let's talk a while. And I implore you, please READ THIS WHOLE POST before saying anything.
I see a lot of people openly talk online about their pain issues and what they do to treat it. I also see a lot of people openly talk online while thoroughly drunk or blasted on pain meds. It's okay, that doesn't bother me. I understand the need to keep human contact while medicated or wasted because it helps keep one stabilized. Or just that you find things in your altered state so fascinating. I've been there. A lot of us have.
The thing is I wish I could join you all when I do what I do to alleviate pain and help me sleep.
The reason I can't is because what I take to do such is medical marijuana. In candy or brownie or cookie form. Takes about an hour after eating it to reach full effect, so in that time, I sign off plurk, AIM, twitter, and DW and stick to talking to my girlfriend on IRC and looking at food pics on tumblr.
I sign off and shelter myself due to the stigma surrounding the drug, thinking if you all found out you'd disown me due to misinformation about the drug or whatever. I do see it a lot online; people claiming pot is a gateway drug or will make me snap (look up Reefer Madness) or that people who use it are just stupid and obsessed worthless lazy stoners not worth giving the time of day to. It's made me paranoid of ever admitting it.
Until now, that is.
I take it for a chronic neck and head pain issue I inherited from the men in my family. My dad has the same thing and takes medical pot for it and it has helped him and his other injuries he has (bad knee, bad shoulder) tremendously. It's where I got the idea to try using it instead of prescription medication was seeing how much it helped him.
You see, I can't use prescription painkillers. Well, I can, but guess what? I'm extremely easily addicted to opioids and once came near damaging myself when I went through a rash of addiction on them a few years back. I'd pop Darvocet like candy and convince myself I was in tremendous pain so my doing it was excused. I only stopped once I realized I was turning into my abusive family members by doing this and swore it off. It was rationed and my girlfriend controlled any doses I got. Even now if I wind up with opioids, she rations them. Yes, she lives all the way across the country from me, but that trust between us is enough to keep me off them unless I ask and explain why I feel I need them. And even then I only get a half dose as it's usually enough to kill the pain and it keeps me from wanting more. I am fucking lucky I didn't get sick or die or liver damage from this and I am luckier still I pulled myself out of this using willpower alone. No matter what opioid I take, I react the same.
So that is out of the question. Same with muscle relaxers, though that's mostly because I'm extremely sensitive to them and even 1mg of Flexeril has me knocked out the majority of a day and groggy/slow when awake. I hate it and it feels gross. It works but I hate how it makes me feel so much I only use it as an absolute last resort.
This is why I tried pot. I've been on it over a year now and I can safely say I don't feel the addictive or self-destructive tendencies nor the residual grogginess or grossness like I did on prescription meds. Yeah, I'm tempted very very rarely on slow, boring days to take some just to liven things up a bit, but it'd be a waste and I'd like to save it for my pain issues. It's easy for me to say no to taking it. On average, I take it about once or twice a week, if I'm lucky and pain free then once every two weeks, and usually only enough to sedate me, numb me, and make me want to take a nap, which is hardly any at all. I do get high and ridiculous on those small doses, but it's never been bad. I think the worst I've done is tell my girlfriend I was going to write her dumb pairing fics and that I was evolving into a monster girl, specifically a harpy.
Through this year of use it's cut down on my pain and its frequency immensely. I sleep better and wake up hungrier and happier. It helps me cope with depression and effects of Paxil. (I was on Paxil ten years. It did some horrible shit to me. I'm long since off of it but its effects still remain.) In the long run too, it's also way cheaper that prescription painkillers/relaxers. For the price of lunch at a fast food place I get enough that lasts me almost twenty doses. I'm damn lucky to live in an area where medical pot isn't frowned on and easy to get a prescription for and purchase without hassle or cop interference.
It should be obvious that I know what I'm doing while on it and take measures to be safe with it. I am a responsible user. I only get stuff from places my dad trusts. I'm harmless on it and there's no risk of me accidentally offing myself like on painkillers.
But I do miss you all when I'm on it. I do get curious if I could still be on twitter or plurk or such without being judged if I got medicated. I'm almost always clear headed enough to know who not to talk to while on it and if I took a bigger dose I'd just not talk to anyone but my girlfriend. That I would promise you. I do look at those instances of people talking while on painkillers or while drunk and not being judged at all for it and hell, I think it's time you all didn't judge me too. It's for the same reasons (actual pain management issues).
And if anyone wants to talk to me about what it's like to take it, use it, live in an area friendly to it, about any misinformation you may think you've been told (there's a reason I titled this post 'DARE lied') then please, come talk to me about it anytime. I'd rather you get your information from someone on it who can tell you the truth. No question is too dumb or too rude. And yes, this should explain why I know so much about it and stoner culture. Doesn't it make more sense that I know it because I am it and not because I just observe it through my dad?
I just ask that next time you feel judgmental about someone on pot for any reason, if you ever even do, remember that it includes people like me; just people trying to get by day to day without pain so bad I feel like if I turn my neck I'll puke.
If you also never wish to talk to me again and want to defriend me anywhere, I understand. It's a risk I take by saying this, I've long since understood that. But I just have to vent it out now.
This has been a PSA. Thank you for listening and reading.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-05 02:04 am (UTC)From:The fact is that while some drugs are more dangerous than others overall, all of them are simply tools, and they all affect different people differently. SSRIs are a godsend for my depression--but they're terrible for you. Marijuana probably wouldn't be very good for me right now, but it's working great for you.
I don't judge you. And I wish more people would understand that, most of the time, it isn't about what drug you're using (or choosing not to use), it's how responsibly you're handling it.