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On Dreams and Heroes
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:36 pmI wanted to grow up to be a knight.
For as far back as I can remember, that is what I wanted to grow up to be and nobody was going to stop me. Nobody told me to do this. At least, not anyone in my family or any friends I had. Heroes did, though. I would read book after book of grand tales of those in shining, polished armor, holding mighty blades, slaying foul beasts, saving damsels. I was given Dungeons and Dragons material at age 5 and while I couldn't fully understand how to play it then, it started my career as a worldbuilder, character creator, and my habits of self-inserting into any setting I found to get a better understanding of it. Video games like Dragon Quest let me name the protagonist after me and I could see me saving the day and killing things and gaining legendary equipment. In some universe, it was me, and they actually were hailing me as a hero.
I don't know if it's because of stories like that, games like that, if it was what I was meant to be should fate exist in any way, something else entirely, some combo of these things, or none of the above, but dammit, I was going to be a knight. I picked up many toy swords and shields and played with them far beyond an age I really should have. These ideals shape me even now and I have lived my life trying to be whatever the real modern world equivalent of this can be and always will. It's what I am.
I'm also gay. And nobody told me that was what I should be, either. The sad difference is I had no heroes to show me this.
( Read on )
For as far back as I can remember, that is what I wanted to grow up to be and nobody was going to stop me. Nobody told me to do this. At least, not anyone in my family or any friends I had. Heroes did, though. I would read book after book of grand tales of those in shining, polished armor, holding mighty blades, slaying foul beasts, saving damsels. I was given Dungeons and Dragons material at age 5 and while I couldn't fully understand how to play it then, it started my career as a worldbuilder, character creator, and my habits of self-inserting into any setting I found to get a better understanding of it. Video games like Dragon Quest let me name the protagonist after me and I could see me saving the day and killing things and gaining legendary equipment. In some universe, it was me, and they actually were hailing me as a hero.
I don't know if it's because of stories like that, games like that, if it was what I was meant to be should fate exist in any way, something else entirely, some combo of these things, or none of the above, but dammit, I was going to be a knight. I picked up many toy swords and shields and played with them far beyond an age I really should have. These ideals shape me even now and I have lived my life trying to be whatever the real modern world equivalent of this can be and always will. It's what I am.
I'm also gay. And nobody told me that was what I should be, either. The sad difference is I had no heroes to show me this.
( Read on )
