Closure

Last time I posted, I said it was going to be the last time I made one of those huge, rambling introspective posts about my life and who I am and how I got here and such.

I lied. You have one more.

I never explained how I got here. I don't know how many people have noticed this, but I tend to rarely if ever bring up my past. For years, I was embarrassed and hurt and ashamed of it and couldn't stop wishing I could have done more to stop what happened then or how much I was to blame, but then I grew up and no longer hold myself at fault. I'm pissed it all happened, but the shame is gone.

We're going to talk a lot about my childhood. And teen years. And early adult years. I'm going to be as honest and open about this as possible. And it's going to be long and uncomfortable, but nobody else in my life is going to give me closure on all this but me. Even if nobody else ever reads this, I finally got it out and can move on after this for good. I don't care who believes me or how much of it they believe, this is for me to write and vent with and hopefully to prevent the same happening to anyone else.

I don't even know what content or trigger warnings to give this. There's going to be talk of dysfunctional families, abuse, neglect, shitty school systems, drugs, crime, gender and sexuality bullshit, suicidal thoughts, prison, and all sorts of other shit. If any of that is going to upset you, don't read this and just know I'm okay now and will be okay from now on.

Otherwise, here we go.

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