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I just want it to be noted that last late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning, I went into a fit of alcohol withdrawal/minor delirium tremens for no goddamn good reason and nearly drank myself to death simply because I was bored.
I was taken away by ambulance at 4 am and in the hospital until mid Sunday and pumped so full of Ativan that they didn't taper me off of that I had a panic attack/benzo crash this Tuesday night and had to stay with my Moms until last night.
Most of all the withdrawal symptoms are either gone or under control now, save my messed up sleep schedule/inability to stay asleep more than a few hours and a sometimes elevated heart rate. I also have to walk with a cane for a while.
I don't know why I did it. I may never know. Alcoholism runs in the family and many people in our family have done what I just did and wound up near death multiple times. I was a fucking idiot who almost lost it all and came home to find only sympathy. I fucking suck, I may never touch alcohol again in my life and I am perfectly okay with this, and I've been told I need to cut back on the self pity because everyone is tired of hearing me ask why nobody wants to stone me to death over this.
I'm lucky I have insurance.
Please fucking watch your booze intake, everyone. Be way more careful with your life, your boredom, and your everything than I was, and fucking talk to your family before it's too late. Find out if you have alcoholism or an addictive personality. Please. Let my near death experience teach you this.
I just want this post as a reminder to my own idiocy so I can look back someday and sigh.
On top of that, we all have to move soon since our landlady is selling our property. Cali law will let us squat on the lease until April if needed but we want out ASAP. I will be living with my moms again, who are closeby and much closer to my dojo, but it's not gonna be fun cleaning up and packing in my condition. The cats will be safe with me.
This is going to be a long, exhausting July.
I was taken away by ambulance at 4 am and in the hospital until mid Sunday and pumped so full of Ativan that they didn't taper me off of that I had a panic attack/benzo crash this Tuesday night and had to stay with my Moms until last night.
Most of all the withdrawal symptoms are either gone or under control now, save my messed up sleep schedule/inability to stay asleep more than a few hours and a sometimes elevated heart rate. I also have to walk with a cane for a while.
I don't know why I did it. I may never know. Alcoholism runs in the family and many people in our family have done what I just did and wound up near death multiple times. I was a fucking idiot who almost lost it all and came home to find only sympathy. I fucking suck, I may never touch alcohol again in my life and I am perfectly okay with this, and I've been told I need to cut back on the self pity because everyone is tired of hearing me ask why nobody wants to stone me to death over this.
I'm lucky I have insurance.
Please fucking watch your booze intake, everyone. Be way more careful with your life, your boredom, and your everything than I was, and fucking talk to your family before it's too late. Find out if you have alcoholism or an addictive personality. Please. Let my near death experience teach you this.
I just want this post as a reminder to my own idiocy so I can look back someday and sigh.
On top of that, we all have to move soon since our landlady is selling our property. Cali law will let us squat on the lease until April if needed but we want out ASAP. I will be living with my moms again, who are closeby and much closer to my dojo, but it's not gonna be fun cleaning up and packing in my condition. The cats will be safe with me.
This is going to be a long, exhausting July.
