I apologize for commenting on a 2-year old post, but I only found your blog the other day after coming back to DW and I just wanted to say how mindblowing and elevating it was on a variety of levels. So thank you for writing this, first and foremost. For starters, as someone who only relatively recently started identifying as NB pan, you made me wonder whether or not I'm teetering on the same 99% edge you used to and I should just accept I'm a trans lesbian. There is one thing that holds me back but, I probably shouldn't discuss it with someone I just met and I'll only do so with your permission, maybe in PMs. But it still remains that I regularly RP female characters and always write my (99% female) OCs as "lesbian unless stated otherwise", so...
Secondly, I related very hard to your situation because I'm also the kind of weirdo that isn't fazed by most kinds of fanservice. 2016-2018 was a time of great confusion and I ended up antagonizing "pervs" to a degree, but after reading this I'm beginning to think I was somewhat embracing sex negativity to be accepted or not end up on the wrong side of history. Didn't help that many times over I got into trouble for being into fanservice shows simply because I genuinely love the characters, or because I accept that certain problematic kinks exist while not being into them myself. And I think, fundamentally, what I'm the most into as far as those themes go is the Koihime+Musou "funny, soulful and overwhelmingly gay" brand of fanservice anime. It's possible I had a little Katsu-nee in me but ended up smothering her in the past years. What I'm trying to say is, finding someone who caught the same kind of flak and has learned to love themselves in spite of the zeitgeist was a massive breath of fresh air. And you have my utmost gratitude for that. Please be forever happy and gay.
(Also I found your SenKagu RP muses by complete chance and that made me super happy as well, because I ended up liking the series after playing Estival but there isn't much to do in the fandom except look at pinups. So imagine my surprise when I decided to get back into journal-based RP and found those. Actual fandom involvement!)
(Oh, and, uhm, hope you don't mind the subscription by the way.)
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For starters, as someone who only relatively recently started identifying as NB pan, you made me wonder whether or not I'm teetering on the same 99% edge you used to and I should just accept I'm a trans lesbian. There is one thing that holds me back but, I probably shouldn't discuss it with someone I just met and I'll only do so with your permission, maybe in PMs. But it still remains that I regularly RP female characters and always write my (99% female) OCs as "lesbian unless stated otherwise", so...
Secondly, I related very hard to your situation because I'm also the kind of weirdo that isn't fazed by most kinds of fanservice. 2016-2018 was a time of great confusion and I ended up antagonizing "pervs" to a degree, but after reading this I'm beginning to think I was somewhat embracing sex negativity to be accepted or not end up on the wrong side of history. Didn't help that many times over I got into trouble for being into fanservice shows simply because I genuinely love the characters, or because I accept that certain problematic kinks exist while not being into them myself. And I think, fundamentally, what I'm the most into as far as those themes go is the Koihime+Musou "funny, soulful and overwhelmingly gay" brand of fanservice anime. It's possible I had a little Katsu-nee in me but ended up smothering her in the past years.
What I'm trying to say is, finding someone who caught the same kind of flak and has learned to love themselves in spite of the zeitgeist was a massive breath of fresh air. And you have my utmost gratitude for that. Please be forever happy and gay.
(Also I found your SenKagu RP muses by complete chance and that made me super happy as well, because I ended up liking the series after playing Estival but there isn't much to do in the fandom except look at pinups. So imagine my surprise when I decided to get back into journal-based RP and found those. Actual fandom involvement!)
(Oh, and, uhm, hope you don't mind the subscription by the way.)