atma: ([MSP] Marika - Chivalry ain't dead)
So I finished my fourth NaNoWriMo book draft last night. This makes four out of four times I've attempted NNWM and won. The first was to prove to myself I could be a writer, the second was to help me write dialogue, the third was massively worldbuildy and showed me I could do first-person, and now I sit here on the fourth. Each time I do this, my writing permanently goes up in quality and skill, even if the drafts aren't really publishable book material in these forms now, they show my thought process and where I get my ideas from and lots of data and characterization I can pull form. You can read any of them here.

This year's was done in 19 days (with a few days of break here and there) making an average of 2658.5 words per update. Every year it gets easier and faster.

This one though feels the most pivotal out of all of them.

Read more )
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
If you've known me for even a day, you'll know that, as a kid, I wanted nothing more than to grow up to be a knight.

Toy swords and shields were taken everywhere. I officially adopted the code of chivalry when I was 10. I went by Sir and not Princess. I did everything one possibly could to be a knight or warrior in a modern era. I even considered joining the Marines for a while as a kid. (Though with how history went for women and gays in the American military I am glad I changed my mind.) I've identified by a warrior's and protector's mindset more than I have any other aspect of me ever. Not how creative I am. Not how gay and flirtatious I am. Not how well I can cook or speak or read or write. It was this and this alone I used to majorly define myself.

The only thing that was missing was an actual degree in fighting and etiquette. You know, stuff that would actually help me accomplish this dream.

Read on )
atma: ([HS] Terezi - BL3H)
Series: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Pairing: Kyouko/Sayaka
Rating: PG / PG13 - Contains bad innuendo but mostly fluff
Length: 1133
Warnings: Contains my inability to rap
Summary: Kyouko refurbishes a boombox so she can serenade Sayaka.
Notes: Written for [personal profile] catzero as a gift. She came up with the idea after all.

This is why I don't write music )

It Cuts

Jul. 24th, 2012 10:33 pm
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
I wanted to grow up to be a knight.

I swear I will stop using this as an opening line. Someday. But that one simple sentence and desire has shaped so much of me and my life that it may as well be the first thing I say to everyone I ever meet.

"Hi, I'm Atma, I'm a knight." Or swordsman. Or samurai. Or warrior. Any of it would be equally true, it'd just evoke a slightly different mental image. Any way you slice it, you'd think of me as someone in armor with a weapon. Or at worst, you'd visualize a Monty Python joke. I can live with that. Though sadly, that's not what most people envision when I mention my interest in any of these, so really, I best keep my trap shut.

Why? They see someone long since out of touch with reality and the modern world.

Read more )
atma: ([DC] Amazon/Sorceress - Sup)
"Sweet Red Wine"

Series: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Pairing: Kyouko/Sayaka
Rating: X - Porn/Guro
Length: 1852 words
Warnings: EXTREME GORE/GURO WARNING, characters are under 18 (14 and 15), weapon sex, rough sex
Summary: Kyouko and Sayaka perform their favorite gory waltz together to show just how much they love each other. When you have bodies that can withstand extreme levels of combat abuse and stress, what else are you going to do?
Notes: I've never really written guro before but the prospect of trying it amused me. That said, I really pushed my personal limits with this fic, going over the top as per usual, and the results are deeply disturbing. I'm actually pleased with this on a personal level; it was interesting to see how far I could push myself. When I make myself nauseous writing out of sympathy pains I know I've done this right. I STRONGLY ADVISE everyone to proceed with caution. Pretend this fic doesn't exist if you want. This fic specifically contains cutting/dismemberment/disembowelment/blood+guts play/cannibalism. Everything is consensual. You were warned. Don't try this at home.

Under the moonlight )
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
I wanted to grow up to be a knight.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. Before I continue, I suggest you read that post if you haven't. It deals with the need for good role models, especially queer ones, super especially for kids. However, today I'll be exploring the other side of this; what happens when you see someone who reflects you a bit too hard. Not a role model as in someone you strive to never be, but a mirror showing you at your worst.

It also deals with my own self-loathing and depression, my own flaws. But as I glorify heroes, so I should also count our flaws. Fiction is powerful; undeniably so. Sometimes, though, the marks it carves in us bleed like wounds and heal up poorly, leaving but an ugly scar on us.

This is a deeply personal, depressive post talking about self-harm, anger, rages, and other possibly triggering material. Also contains some spoilers for Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Let's expose my wounds.

I couldn't protect anyone... )
atma: ([EO] Bushido - Step off muthafucka)
I'm replaying Xenosaga. Mostly for the benefit of my girlfriend who's been growing more and more curious about the RPG genre as a whole (she never got into it much before now and is relying on me to show her a lot and talk to her about why I enjoy it), but it's also part of an ongoing, months long effort to re-examine my biggest fictional influences. Most of my current RP hiatus is spent studying my roots as a creator and doing a lot of writing. It's been cathartic. I've rediscovered the Lunar games, re-watched some of the Slayers, am looking back at old books and planning on other games and shows like Rozen Maiden and FF6 and maybe some Suikoden. A lot of stuff has crept into my own writing over the years and it's fun seeing exactly where all this may have come from.

We're not far along, we just started the other day, but it's bringing back a lot of memories. Good and bad ones. It's the game with the most history for me, both as the game itself and the fandom/hatedom surrounding it.

It's also going to be used as a case study for how media can influence someone and what any series can wind up meaning for anyone. It's not so much an essay on Xenosaga itself, but more of a essay on influences that just so happens to be using Xenosaga.

(And before I continue, let's not turn this into a Xenogears vs Xenosaga debate. Both sides need to lay this argument to sleep. It is one of the most legendary unsolved internet debates and will probably remain unsolved and I am not here to damn anything or anyone. I find it perfectly feasible to live enjoying both or at least agreeing to disagree. As I said, this is about influences, not me critically examining the series, though wile I'd like to at some point in time, that time is not now. Anyone attempting this argument now will be ignored right out. I don't care which side you're on, either.)

Read on )
atma: ([OK] Ammy - The Shinto-est)
The painter had but the grace of the stars and moon creeping in her paper doors, open to let a breeze in that balmy night. Her left hand sit tucked in her robe top, lazily slung as her right hand gripped a thick brush in it, pushing flowing, thick strokes onto her canvas. Sticky sweat rolled down her as she exhaled hard. Now and again her right palm would curl around the brush, pushing up against an eyepatch on her left eye, adjusting it as she scowled.

A second woman set near her, wearing nothing, laying on a small mattress they shared. She slowly and quietly tended to the painter's weapons, cast aside after the day's training and sopped in sweat. The only sounds made were that of the insects flickering outside, a silence weighing on them both for the longest time.

"Bah!" cried out the painter, in the direction of her companion. The girl remained silent, tending to the painter's gear and listening.

"Bah, no matter how much I paint, I cannot make it was graceful as the lands I see in my dreams. It is fragile, imperfect, it is gross and it angers me I cannot do my visions the justice they deserve!" said the painter, exhaustion and annoyance coating her words like her black ink coated her canvas.

"It taunts me, knowing I could do better, but am limited by how gnarled my hands have become. Perhaps I've been at war too long, but nothing is beautiful. Everything is ugly." Her brush fell out of her hand as she sat down, peering up at her work.

Mountains and trees and rivers covered it, sharp in their lines. A sun peered over them, coating them happily.

"I'm ugly. You're ugly." the painter sighed. "But...Perhaps it's in that we earn our beauty and worth." Her gaze turned towards the moon that hung above them. "I wonder if that's how all the other painters and writers feel."

She stood up, moving to place her lips on her companion's forehead, gentle as could be, her weak hand slipping out of her robe to pet the woman's face, smiling as their eyes met.

"No. I wonder if this is how the gods feel, looking down at us, wondering if they could have done better." whispered the painter, curling her fingers around her companion's hair and slowly making her way back to her canvas, looking at it for another long break of quiet.

The moon gave way to the sun once more, and the sky began to glow on them and warm them. The painter sighed, rubbing her eye again, getting in bed next to her companion after urging her to set the weapons away for the day. They nuzzled and nestled in, the companion held close to the painter's chest and rocked to sleep.

"Sympathy for the gods. Tch." the painter laughed as she said these words up towards the heavens, closing her eyes and sleeping sweet under the summer sunlight.
atma: ([FFT] Agrias - Stern)
I wanted to grow up to be a knight.

For as far back as I can remember, that is what I wanted to grow up to be and nobody was going to stop me. Nobody told me to do this. At least, not anyone in my family or any friends I had. Heroes did, though. I would read book after book of grand tales of those in shining, polished armor, holding mighty blades, slaying foul beasts, saving damsels. I was given Dungeons and Dragons material at age 5 and while I couldn't fully understand how to play it then, it started my career as a worldbuilder, character creator, and my habits of self-inserting into any setting I found to get a better understanding of it. Video games like Dragon Quest let me name the protagonist after me and I could see me saving the day and killing things and gaining legendary equipment. In some universe, it was me, and they actually were hailing me as a hero.

I don't know if it's because of stories like that, games like that, if it was what I was meant to be should fate exist in any way, something else entirely, some combo of these things, or none of the above, but dammit, I was going to be a knight. I picked up many toy swords and shields and played with them far beyond an age I really should have. These ideals shape me even now and I have lived my life trying to be whatever the real modern world equivalent of this can be and always will. It's what I am.

I'm also gay. And nobody told me that was what I should be, either. The sad difference is I had no heroes to show me this.

Read on )
atma: ([DC] Elf - idgaf)
Nothing greatly of note lately. I survived a gasshuku at my dojo, which is an intensive hell training weekend. 9 hours of work one day with 9 more hours the next, all the hardest conditioning work and hardest difficulty versions of workouts and sparring. We had to cut apples midair with a katana as they were pitched to us and learned how to use bos, tonfas, sais, kama, and nunchaku. It was pretty much worth it and I'd like to do it again. Found out that I should totally work with kama, they were one of those things you pick up and know immediately was meant for you. Karkatma jokes can go to the left.

I'm trying to get back into icon making and photoshopping more. Thing is I only gt PS7 on this crappy laptop. It works but it takes a bit to find shit that's still compatible with it. Once I get that in hear I'll be using [community profile] shaifang as a graphics dump. I have a feeling once I get in gear I'll be one of those icon comms that only works with obscure/niche stuff that nobody cares about.

If you like my writing, especially original stuff, that's all going to be put in [community profile] heroicrecords from now on. You're free to watch and comment. Anything you can ask me to help me write better or create more details from is most appreciated.
atma: ([MSP] Marika - Chivalry ain't dead)
Apparently, while I was ~inebriated~ last night I thought it a good idea to write a bawdy tavern song/poem. It's dumb but surprisingly coherent. I have no idea what I was thinking or aiming for, but here it is.

Warning: NSFW text and crude language/slang. So if you don't like that sort of thing, please pretend this doesn't exist and move on.

wow okay me )

I might actually edit or clean this up so it makes a bit more sense/flows better as I actually stupidly like it. I'm kind of proud of myself for making enough sense and write it all the way through. I can think of worse drunken escapades to wake up discovering I'd done.
atma: ([QB] Alleyne - Hat boner)
Series: My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic (setting is the Paradisa RP @ LJ)
Pairing: N/A
Rating: G - Literally everything else ever is more offensive than this
Length: 1236 words by LibreOffice count
Warnings: May induce diabetes or a case of the giggles
Summary: Spike has to make good his bluff.
Notes: Written for TF as part of Paradisa's Secret Santa 2011. I've not seen MLP, but asked around and read threads and TVTropes and such to get a feel for his character. I hope it worked! Happy Holidays!

I hope this is as fun to read as it was fun to write )
atma: ([QB] Who the elf do you think I am?)
Part 1 of the finale
Part 2 of the finale

It's done. 50341 words later, I'm done with my third book. The Undeniable Clawmark of Basira Nejem, Ultra Genius.

It's a first person journal account of an elven gunner/engineer who invents non-magic powered flight told in a self-aggrandizing style. It's an exercise in first person narrative and narcissism. Basira is certifiably batshit.

Again, I'd no idea what would happen in this story, beyond "Elf gunner chick invents planes, saves day" and made it all up as I went along. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it. I feel I do my best work when making it up as I go. I know this method isn't for everyone, but it's what I feel works for me.

The book takes place in the same world as my past two projects, which should be rehosted elsewhere soon. Prior knowledge of these two books is not needed for this one. I'm going to work on compiling notes from all this and making a lot of worldbuilding notes these coming months before revising and publishing. Obviously, a lot of what is in these now are filler and placeholders, but they can be easily changed.

You can read the bite sized parts of this using this tag

Of, if you're so inclined to, an RTF version of the whole story is here to read.

There is some copyright data.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

This work is categorized as beerware. If you like it, buy the author a drink, or have one in her honor.

This work is categorized as donationware. If you like it, you can donate whatever you like to the author. You can contact her at

The average wordcount was 2289 for LibreOffice count and 2288 for Official count spread across 22 days. 5 were taken off for personal/health reasons.

Each one of these projects, I improve by leaps and bounds and am always proud of myself for doing this, despite any woes or hardships.

I need a drink.
atma: ([QB] Alleyne - Nice top-view)
Words In This Update - 1144 / 1134
Final Wordcount - 50351 by LibreOffice / 50341 by Official NNWM Wordcounter

...should probably be left to rot and forgotten as they're probably smellier than you'd think )
atma: ([QB] Alleyne - Objection!)
Words In This Update - 1569
Total Words So Far - 49207

All good things... )
atma: ([QB] Alleyne - Defending)
Words In This Update - 2115
Total Words So Far - 45121

guess I should start wrapping this up )


atma: (Default)
The Sunset Samurai

July 2017



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