atma: ([QB] Alleyne/Tomoe - Bluh bluh elf bitch)
(Note: I don't expect many to agree with me on this, and that's fine, but I've had it up to here this week with people arguing with me about how I'm out to destroy other women over a fucking video game. Yes, it's happened. Yes, I got told I was dishonoring Andrea Dworkin's spirit, which is a badge of fucking honor for me. So whatever.)

This week there's been a shitton of controversy about an upcoming beat-em-up game by Vanillaware called Dragon's Crown. It was the last game I expected to cause a journalistic shitstorm because I'm a stupid optimist, but here we are. What's got everyone in a tizzy?

Tits. Boobs. Women.

The game contains two characters called Amazon and Sorceress. As you can see by clicking their names, they're rather blatant and exaggerated characters with strong features. Cue the internet collectively shitting itself because apparently they've never seen some boobs in a video game or in real life before. We're acting like this is some new phenomenon when it's existed for centuries before video games and it's like are you fucking kidding me? Why pretend to be outraged now? I bet you're just scared the Amazon could crush you and your masculinity to bits. Asshole.

I have a lot of problems with how people, especially men, are deciding to go on about this.

read more )
atma: ([FFT] Agrias - Stern)
This morning, I read The Unfettered Mind, a series of 3 short essays by a Rinzai Zen Buddhism monk named Takuan Soho. He was adviser to Musashi and some of the other big swordsman, shogunate, emperors, and daimyo of his era. If you'd like to read it, there's a PDF at the link. This was recommended to me as essential reading for my Samurai arts by my sensei.

It's a book about applying Zen Buddhist philosophy to martial arts, particularly swordsmanship. The great samurai of the era, particularly the style founders, felt there was something lacking still in their work. Soho, who never once used a sword, watched them practice and saw their minds would grow stuck and frustrated. So he wrote these treatises and a new way was born.

I'm not Zen nor Buddhist myself; I do admit it has influenced me, but I'm always Shinto through and through. However, it did reinforce a lot of what I knew and am figuring out as a swordsman myself.

read more )
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
This is not a place to discuss faith vs nonbelief or any of that. Take that shit to Reddit. If you attempt this here, I will hunt you down in real life and make you watch Superbook reruns until you learn better.

This is me mapping a thought process I had the other day. Contains Shinto/Koshinto base, existentialist crises, the ultimate fate of the universe. In the end, I figure out what a god is and what religion is, at least on my own terms, and that's good enough for me.

Read more )
atma: ([DC] Elf - idgaf)
It's dawned on me that I've never thrown my hat into the ring and weighed in on one of the touchiest subjects of modern gaming. One I actually do have a very strong opinion on and thanks to everyone getting PS Vitas and buying Persona 4 Golden, now's a perfect time to bring it up because fuck if it doesn't annoy me too.

Yes, this is going to be a Naoto post. Yes, we're going to talk about gender. No, it will probably be different than you expect. Please read through the whole thing before you judge.

I'd like to think I could shed some light on where the "Naoto is trans/genderqueer" theory comes from and why it's so popular, and not in a "tumblr just wants a token minority to fawn over and overprotect without actually getting it" sort of way.

read more )
atma: ([QB] Alleyne/Tomoe - Bluh bluh elf bitch)
a book report by atma: age 5

So people keep asking me "Atma, how does I watch Queen's Blade?" and while my first response is usually "ARE YOU SURE I MEAN THIS IS BOOBS WE'RE SPEAKING OF" I usually point them to some torrents. But why not have just a dedicated post for this I can point anyone to?

Read some more )
atma: ([MSP] Marika - Chivalry ain't dead)
So I finished my fourth NaNoWriMo book draft last night. This makes four out of four times I've attempted NNWM and won. The first was to prove to myself I could be a writer, the second was to help me write dialogue, the third was massively worldbuildy and showed me I could do first-person, and now I sit here on the fourth. Each time I do this, my writing permanently goes up in quality and skill, even if the drafts aren't really publishable book material in these forms now, they show my thought process and where I get my ideas from and lots of data and characterization I can pull form. You can read any of them here.

This year's was done in 19 days (with a few days of break here and there) making an average of 2658.5 words per update. Every year it gets easier and faster.

This one though feels the most pivotal out of all of them.

Read more )
atma: ([TH] Suika - Grows on you)
Oops it's the holiday season now. And no matter if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, just getting drunk on New Year's, or nothing at all, you can get a card. Atheist, Pantheist, Monotheist, Hedonist, I don't care. Come get yourself some good ol' fashioned snail mail. I will ship internationally! It doesn't matter how long I've known you or how well you know me, anyone is welcome to get a card!

What I need is your address and a name to ship/address it to, real or nickname works fine, and who you are just in case I am dumb and forget. All comments screened, but if you want extra security, you can email me at maid(dot)mistress(at)gmail(dot)com and it will be safe. I will delete all address info the second I have it on the envelope and will most likely forget what state you even line in immediately after, so you're safe with me and my short attention span.

If you want my address in return for any reason, just say so and you got it! Just tell me where to send it.

Let's having fun!
atma: ([SW] Eila - gpoy)
Okay guys, we need to talk. This post sucks to write, but I've been holding in something far too long. A few know but it's something I've had to be quiet about at large. However, I'm fed up holding it in for various reasons.

This is going to be a post talking about prescription drug use, alcohol, and medical marijuana. If you really don't want to know or are bothered or triggered by such issues, please don't read further. I don't want to hurt anyone with this.

But let's talk a while. And I implore you, please READ THIS WHOLE POST before saying anything.

Read More )
atma: ([QB] Irma - Rly bored u gais)
Helps me keep track of where I've published what so you can buy and enjoy too.

Check it out )
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
If you've known me for even a day, you'll know that, as a kid, I wanted nothing more than to grow up to be a knight.

Toy swords and shields were taken everywhere. I officially adopted the code of chivalry when I was 10. I went by Sir and not Princess. I did everything one possibly could to be a knight or warrior in a modern era. I even considered joining the Marines for a while as a kid. (Though with how history went for women and gays in the American military I am glad I changed my mind.) I've identified by a warrior's and protector's mindset more than I have any other aspect of me ever. Not how creative I am. Not how gay and flirtatious I am. Not how well I can cook or speak or read or write. It was this and this alone I used to majorly define myself.

The only thing that was missing was an actual degree in fighting and etiquette. You know, stuff that would actually help me accomplish this dream.

Read on )
atma: ([HS] Terezi - BL3H)
Series: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Pairing: Kyouko/Sayaka
Rating: PG / PG13 - Contains bad innuendo but mostly fluff
Length: 1133
Warnings: Contains my inability to rap
Summary: Kyouko refurbishes a boombox so she can serenade Sayaka.
Notes: Written for [personal profile] catzero as a gift. She came up with the idea after all.

This is why I don't write music )
atma: ([TTGL] Kamina - Too hot to handle)
When I am famous...

...Please write fanfic. Please draw fanart. Please make dubstep concept albums only your stoned raver mom would like. I don't care how good or bad it is, just do it. Bonus points for porn doujins with anatomy errors.

...Please cosplay my creations. Be it professionally done or a closet cosplay, please do it and then act IC at cons and feel not embarrassed.

...Please ship things. Anything. Everything. Non-canon especially. Make them have sordid hidden affairs that only a 14 year old would find romantic and you'll laugh at yourself for when you grow up but for now it is the best thing.

...Please get into heated debate about the stupidest and most problematic shit. Bonus points if it's on tumblr or some other easy-to-incite site.

...Please defend the villains and criticize the heroes.

...Please come up to me at cons and have me autograph anything, be it a copy of my book or some fan thing you made or your left tit. Ask me anything and tell me about your feelings. If you want to email me or twitter me or whatever is the big social media then, please don't hesitate to ramble at me. Please ask me to make you something. For free.

...Please make stupid crossovers and write self-insert fic and Mary Sues. I need AUs. Give me fansites filled with fic about it all. And then cosplay your own self-insert AU babies.

...Please have gross sobbing and feels and JGSJGFUIEWGFUIWE I CAN'T followed y 78 GIFs of hollywood actors hugging each other and squeeing. Please deadcat and flopcat emote.

...Please play them in panfandom RP or create them in MMOs or whatnot. I want to see some good usernames, people!

...Please cry. Please laugh. Please be angry, confused, nauseated, anything.

...Please hate it all too and hope I never create again if you're so inclined.

The only thing I will say no to is you not enjoying yourself. Remember how you felt going through your favorite things and doing similar stuff for them. Remember every time you defended your favorites or stayed up until 4 am making the best friends you ever will have just because you like the same stuff.

Because chances are, I will be at least as happy as you are that I was able to make you feel this inspired and entertained.

I won't know I've made it and made it worthy if all I get are some snobby canon elitists mucking about on hidden corners of blogging sites. It's only when I see the smiles or tears or rage on all your faces doing this will I know I succeeded.
atma: ([PMMM] Charlotte - Kiss the cook)
I make turkey jerky for money. You pay me, I send you homemade food, in spicy and/or mild and savory flavors. It's popular enough. Some of you may have even eaten it before. I know some of you are repeat customers. Today I wanted to document my process for the audience splaying along at home.

Read more )

It Cuts

Jul. 24th, 2012 10:33 pm
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
I wanted to grow up to be a knight.

I swear I will stop using this as an opening line. Someday. But that one simple sentence and desire has shaped so much of me and my life that it may as well be the first thing I say to everyone I ever meet.

"Hi, I'm Atma, I'm a knight." Or swordsman. Or samurai. Or warrior. Any of it would be equally true, it'd just evoke a slightly different mental image. Any way you slice it, you'd think of me as someone in armor with a weapon. Or at worst, you'd visualize a Monty Python joke. I can live with that. Though sadly, that's not what most people envision when I mention my interest in any of these, so really, I best keep my trap shut.

Why? They see someone long since out of touch with reality and the modern world.

Read more )
atma: ([DC] Amazon/Sorceress - Sup)
"Sweet Red Wine"

Series: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Pairing: Kyouko/Sayaka
Rating: X - Porn/Guro
Length: 1852 words
Warnings: EXTREME GORE/GURO WARNING, characters are under 18 (14 and 15), weapon sex, rough sex
Summary: Kyouko and Sayaka perform their favorite gory waltz together to show just how much they love each other. When you have bodies that can withstand extreme levels of combat abuse and stress, what else are you going to do?
Notes: I've never really written guro before but the prospect of trying it amused me. That said, I really pushed my personal limits with this fic, going over the top as per usual, and the results are deeply disturbing. I'm actually pleased with this on a personal level; it was interesting to see how far I could push myself. When I make myself nauseous writing out of sympathy pains I know I've done this right. I STRONGLY ADVISE everyone to proceed with caution. Pretend this fic doesn't exist if you want. This fic specifically contains cutting/dismemberment/disembowelment/blood+guts play/cannibalism. Everything is consensual. You were warned. Don't try this at home.






Under the moonlight )
atma: ([TH] Youmu - Draw)
I wanted to grow up to be a knight.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. Before I continue, I suggest you read that post if you haven't. It deals with the need for good role models, especially queer ones, super especially for kids. However, today I'll be exploring the other side of this; what happens when you see someone who reflects you a bit too hard. Not a role model as in someone you strive to never be, but a mirror showing you at your worst.

It also deals with my own self-loathing and depression, my own flaws. But as I glorify heroes, so I should also count our flaws. Fiction is powerful; undeniably so. Sometimes, though, the marks it carves in us bleed like wounds and heal up poorly, leaving but an ugly scar on us.

This is a deeply personal, depressive post talking about self-harm, anger, rages, and other possibly triggering material. Also contains some spoilers for Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Let's expose my wounds.

I couldn't protect anyone... )
atma: ([EO] Bushido - Step off muthafucka)
I'm replaying Xenosaga. Mostly for the benefit of my girlfriend who's been growing more and more curious about the RPG genre as a whole (she never got into it much before now and is relying on me to show her a lot and talk to her about why I enjoy it), but it's also part of an ongoing, months long effort to re-examine my biggest fictional influences. Most of my current RP hiatus is spent studying my roots as a creator and doing a lot of writing. It's been cathartic. I've rediscovered the Lunar games, re-watched some of the Slayers, am looking back at old books and planning on other games and shows like Rozen Maiden and FF6 and maybe some Suikoden. A lot of stuff has crept into my own writing over the years and it's fun seeing exactly where all this may have come from.

We're not far along, we just started the other day, but it's bringing back a lot of memories. Good and bad ones. It's the game with the most history for me, both as the game itself and the fandom/hatedom surrounding it.

It's also going to be used as a case study for how media can influence someone and what any series can wind up meaning for anyone. It's not so much an essay on Xenosaga itself, but more of a essay on influences that just so happens to be using Xenosaga.

(And before I continue, let's not turn this into a Xenogears vs Xenosaga debate. Both sides need to lay this argument to sleep. It is one of the most legendary unsolved internet debates and will probably remain unsolved and I am not here to damn anything or anyone. I find it perfectly feasible to live enjoying both or at least agreeing to disagree. As I said, this is about influences, not me critically examining the series, though wile I'd like to at some point in time, that time is not now. Anyone attempting this argument now will be ignored right out. I don't care which side you're on, either.)

Read on )
atma: ([PMMM] Charlotte - Kiss the cook)
Pixiv Source


Some battle music for your consideration

Fire.

It is by it blades are forged. By it lovers' hearts beat, spirit is enobled. It has the power to envelope and devour all.

And it is by it we cook the food that sustains our very flesh.

My name is Atma, and I am the everburning Sunset Samurai of our Lady Amaterasu, the very sun herself who shines down on us with such heated majesty.

And it is by my raging inferno you shall find yourselves burned and scarred everlasting!

You've ignited the wrong woman's scorching fury, and it is reflected in how hot the dish I present to you all now is.

May the flames of victory fan in my direction!


Read on and weep )

If you would like the basic recipe used here, then please read this and enjoy.

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The Sunset Samurai

July 2017

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