atma: ([SW] Eila - gpoy)
This post does not come easy, but people deserve honesty, and they deserve cautionary tales.

People remember last July I was hospitalized a week with legit alcohol withdrawal/delerium tremens. I almost lost everything due to it, and did my best to live sober.

It doesn't work.

I wound up in the hospital again for drinking and having to go to a detox/rehab center for 72 hour observation. So long as I agree to attempt outpatient treatment (like AA meetings or similar) I don't have to do the full 30 day inpatient treatment. Which is good, because that place is a living nightmare. It's more of a drunk tank, not a medical facility. They made us wear scrubs, we had to be preapproved to shower, and they were prison showers, all we would do is watch pre-approved shitty movies, eat, clean up the place to earn another movie, eat, repeat the cleaning process, then movies til midnight and then you got to read only donated books, most of which are romance novels of religious AA lit. Either that or you could sleep on the shittiest bed in the coldest bedroom and simultaneously be so hot and so cold at once that why bother. The movies were all like dudebro action shit and Adam Sandler movies so all I did was cry a lot in my bed over guilt and pray.

They also don't believe in giving out meds unless you're sent in with a prescription, not aspirin, not stomach meds, not sinus spray, no matter how much you need it. I was on librium, a benzo, three times a day and an anti-nausea as needed. I couldn't eat most of the food since the menu was pre-made and beef or cream heavy.

I almost lost Koshka. I made it back just a day before she would have left. Almost 6 years down the drain. I owe my gods a lot.

Alcoholism is extremely hereditary and most of my family has fallen prey to it. Transmom is proof you can recover and stay recovered, but she learned the hard way, through a stroke, a 90 day jailtime detox and a 30 day inpatient treatment at the same lousy place I was at. She said that's where I'm headed next if I keep it up.

I'll find ways to stay sober. I have to. I have options, at least.

And mostly all I have to remember is it's not worth a shot to almost lose or lose everything.

Please don't drink, guys, or if you do, be very cautious. Don't go away like I almost did.

Date: 2016-02-14 06:21 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Sheena/Zelos‚ô£Passion or coincidence)
*hugs* I am so sorry for your struggle but I am glad you survived! <3 And I also know that alchohol recovery, well you are always recovering-- there will always be triggers but I believe in you, I really do!

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